


take me up | cast me away

by myrddinthewizard



Series: how to love a liar [5]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst, He just wants love, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Mistrust, Sorry Not Sorry, Unhealthy Relationships, and merlin, arthur can't express his emotions, arthur craves affection and trust, break-up, but no one realizes it, but you know i love to destroy their lives, even if he can't admit it, i love merlin but also honey, merlin is a very closed off person, no magic reveal, you need to talk to people
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-30
Updated: 2020-12-30
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:34:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,793
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28387854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/myrddinthewizard/pseuds/myrddinthewizard
Summary: “You are special. I wasn’t lying when I said I had faith in you.”Arthur stalked forward. “And why the hell should I believe that? You’ve lied to me about everything else. I don’t know if anything you actually say is real.”Merlin scoffed, rolling his eyes. “Don’t be so dramatic, Arthur. It’s a couple of white lies. You know me and how I feel about you. None of that is a lie.”“Don’t tell me I’m being dramatic. You know better than anyone that I cannot stand when people lie to me. I’ve been betrayed by so many people—”(aka the excaliber reveal)
Relationships: Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Series: how to love a liar [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2058711
Comments: 26
Kudos: 150





	take me up | cast me away

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Merlin BCC
> 
> (makes sense if you read the series in order)

> _“You're destined to be Albion's greatest king._
> 
> _Nothing, not even this stone can stand in your way.”_ \- Merlin to Arthur

“If you’re sitting here to hide from Merlin, I will smack you upside the head.”

Arthur glanced up to see Gwen leaning against the door of the storage closet. “I’m not hiding.”

Gwen carefully stepped inside. “Sure.”

She reached over to take away the sword that Arthur was twisting in his hands. “Where’s Merlin?”

Arthur shrugged, dropping his head back against the wall.

“Ok, what is up with you two?” Gwen sat down, making herself comfortable across from Arthur.

“Nothing.”

Gwen snorted softly and ran her fingers over the hilt of Excalibur. She furrowed her eyebrows and flipped it in her palm. “Where did you get this sword?”

Arthur’s head lolled forward. “Hmm?”

“This sword. I’m pretty sure my father made it.” Gwen suddenly laughed. “Oh, of course. Merlin gave it to you, right? I’m not sure how he got these engraving on it, though. I’ll ask him about that.”

Arthur sat up. “Merlin gave it to me?”

“Did you not know? He came to me a while back and asked for my father’s best sword. Figures he wanted it commissioned for you.”

Arthur reached forward and took the sword, his eyebrows furrowed. “Did he?”

“Yeah. I don’t know what you guys are going through, but I do know that he loves you. And you’ll get through it. I mean, you guys always do.”

Arthur glanced up at Gwen. “Right.”

Gwen watched Arthur carefully. Arthur could feel her gaze burn holes through his skull but he couldn’t glance up from the sword in his palm. The sword that Merlin had commissioned especially for him.

Gwen leaned forward and patted Arthur’s thigh. “Good luck, yeah? Lancelot’s waiting for me.”

“You and Lancelot? When did that happen?”

“Couple of weeks back. Merlin forced me to ask him out. In return, he said he would talk to you. But I’m not sure what good that did.” Gwen said, smiling almost pityingly. 

“Well, go on then. Wouldn’t want to keep your knight in shining armor waiting.” Arthur said, forcing a smile.

Gwen pursed her lips together but got up nonetheless. “Ok, then. See you, Arthur. And please talk to Merlin. He’s been down and really when Merlin’s down, Camelot’s down so… fix it.”

Gwen flashed another smile and then slipped out, leaving Arthur alone.

* * *

Merlin quickly made his way down the steps and curved around the castle to the training grounds. The sun was moments away from dipping below the horizon and there was a harsh breeze that made Merlin forever thankful for his neckerchief.

There was a light drizzle as well but that was the least of his problems as his eyes caught on the lone figure on the field. The King was training on a dummy. His sword shone in the setting sunlight as he slashed at it over and over and over as if the dummy were the cause of all of his problems.

Merlin crept forward, ignoring the water that quickly seeped into his old boots. “Arthur?”

Arthur gave a final slash before whirling around and if Merlin was just a couple of feet closer, Arthur would’ve nearly cut off Merlin’s head. “Get a sword.”

Merlin blinked, glancing over to the training swords in the corner. “Uh, what?”

Arthur stalked forward, his eyes flashing with something that chilled him to the bone. “Get a sword.”

Merlin jogged over and grabbed a random, blunt sword and when he turned around he barely caught Arthur’s sword as he swung towards Merlin. He realized that Excalibur was completely sharpened and could very much kill him. “Arthur—”

Arthur pulled back and swung again, forcing Merlin to catch every one of his movements as he backed up into the center of the field. Merlin yelped and brought his sword up just in time for Arthur to push against him, locking them in a standstill.

Arthur stepped even closer and Merlin had to adjust his position to not topple over. “Arthur. What’s wrong?”

Merlin immediately regretted asking when his eyes flashed with anger. He pulled back and Merlin, who wasn’t expecting the sudden movement, dropped his sword. He barely had time to duck as Arthur nearly chopped his head off for the second time that day. A fit of sudden anger washed over him as he grabbed his sword and lunged. Arthur easily followed his movements and they quickly fell into a rhythm.

Arthur, naturally, disarmed him within a minute and shoved him to the ground. The ground was cold and wet against his back but the chill had nothing on the look on Arthur’s face. Arthur’s sword pressed into the thin cloth of Merlin’s shirt and he knew that if he shifted just an inch forward, the sword would draw blood. 

Arthur stood there, silent, for god knows how long before he pulled back, Excalibur dropping to the ground beside him. Merlin let out a breath. He knew that Arthur would never kill him but he couldn’t deny the terror of being on the opposite end of his sharp sword. The same sword Merlin had carefully sharpened that very morning.

Arthur stumbled back from Merlin and ran a hand through his damp hair. Merlin carefully raised up onto his knees and reached for Excalibur. He twisted it just enough for the low light to catch on the edge and stood up. Arthur was watching him, his eyes hard and calculating.

Merlin offered up the sword, hilt first. Arthur didn’t take it. His eyes flickered from the sword to Merlin and he couldn’t for the life of him figure out what was running through Arthur’s mind. 

“I went to the library yesterday.”

Merlin arched an eyebrow and tucked the sword under his arm after it became clear that Arthur had no intention of taking it. “The library?”

“Don’t sound so surprised.” Arthur rolled his eyes and turned away to grab his waterskin. Part of Merlin was relieved at the easy way they fell into banter but something about the tone of Arthur’s voice set him on edge.

“Why’d you go?”

Arthur met his eyes. He didn’t reply for a couple of seconds. “Do you believe I’m a good king?”

Merlin snorted. “Are you serious?”

“Dead.”

The amused look on Merlin’s face melted. “Of course I do.”

Arthur titled his head, his dirty blonde hair falling into his eyes. Merlin resisted the urge to tuck it away. “So you have faith in me? Faith that I deserve to be the king of Camelot.”

“Where is this coming from, Arthur?”

Arthur strode forward and yanked Excalibur from Merlin’s grip. He flipped it in his hand to read the engravings and then looked back up at Merlin. “I was talking to Gwen. She said something interesting.”

Merlin stepped forward, furrowing his eyebrows. “Did she?”

“Apparently, her father had this sword made. One of his best.” Arthur commented, his tone mild but filled with underlying fury. 

Merlin blinked, baffled at Arthur’s words. It took him a moment to realize where Arthur was going. “Oh.”

Arthur smiled almost bitterly. “Yeah, oh. I thought history wasn’t my strong point, but it seems like it’s you who needed a lesson.”

Merlin took another step forward. “Arthur—”

“Camelot’s first king, Bruta had this very sword. And when he was dying, he thrust this sword into solid rock and made it a test. So if anyone were to question the lineage of Camelot’s kings, it was told that only a true king of Camelot could pull it out.” Arthur pursed his lips, running a light finger over the blade. “That’s what you told me. Tell me, Merlin. How old did you think Gwen’s father was?”

Merlin ran a hand over his face. “Ok, fine. Yes, Gwen’s father had this sword made. I might have made up a tale about the sword. But you kept talking about how you didn’t deserve to be king and how you were failing and I had to do something so you could have hope again.”

“So you lied to me.”

“Arthur, the only lie I said was about the origins of this sword. But everything I said about you being a great king and you being special, that was true. I wasn’t lying about that.”

“And why the hell should I believe you? How did this sword even get pushed into solid rock? How did I get it out?” Arthur demanded, moving closer.

Merlin cursed internally and scrambled for an excuse. “It’s not a normal sword, Arthur.”

“Of course. Because nothing can be normal with you.” Arthur spat.

“It was forged from a dragon’s breath. Kilgharrah made so that it would protect you. I went to him because we were facing a lot of threats that normal metal swords couldn’t do anything for. This sword can slay any magical creatures and it’s made for you.”

Arthur blinked. “It can slay magical creatures?”

“Yes.”

Arthur flipped the sword in his grip. “Right. Of course. And you didn’t think to tell me this? What part of I don’t want you to lie to me doesn’t get through your thick skull? Wasn’t this after I found out about your pet dragon? I had to find out that your bedtime story was bullshit through Geoffrey!”

Merlin moved back. “I know. I know. You had lost all hope and I just wanted you to realize that you would be the greatest king Camelot’s ever known.”

“And so what? You couldn't think to tell me that? You think I would've believed it more if you had made up a story rather than just tell me?”

“Oh don’t even. It doesn’t matter what I could’ve told you, you wouldn’t have really had faith in it unless there was something more to it.”

“Your words are all I’ve ever needed. Your support is all I ever needed to be the great king you believed that I would be.” Arthur's voice was strained and tired as if he was sick of trying to explain himself.

Merlin paused, staring at Arthur with wide eyes. “Is it? Because in your mind, I’m nothing but a stupid, idiotic fool who isn’t capable of anything. How am I supposed to know that you actually value my opinion if I feel like you don’t listen to anything I say?”

“Of course I listen to you. All I ever do is listen to you. You can’t seriously take these things to heart. You talk back to me too, Merlin. It’s nothing but banter.”

Merlin snorted, looking away. “Nothing but banter?”

“You’re getting off-topic. The point is, you gave me this magical sword and you lied and made me feel like I’m actually special—”

“You are special. I wasn’t lying when I said I had faith in you.”

Arthur stalked forward. “And why the hell should I believe that? You’ve lied to me about everything else. I don’t know if anything you actually say is real.”

Merlin scoffed, rolling his eyes. “Don’t be so dramatic, Arthur. It’s a couple of white lies. You know me and how I feel about you. None of that is a lie.”

“Don’t tell me I’m being dramatic. You know better than anyone that I cannot stand when people lie to me. I’ve been betrayed by so many people—”

“And what? That’s what you think I’m doing? Betraying you? For trying to save and protect your life?”

Arthur let out a shuddering breath and twisted on his heel to face away from Merlin. “I’m not saying that. I don’t like to be kept out of the loop. I’ve told you a million times to tell me things like this. You don’t think I would want to know about a sword that can destroy magical creatures? You don’t think that I would believe you more than any stupid fairytale?”

“You’ve never given me any indication that you do!” Merlin’s voice rose to a yell.

Arthur whirled back around. “Really? Are you serious? That sword was stuck fast in solid rock. Only an idiot would go up in front of his people and try to pull it out to prove something. The only reason I did it was because you said that you had faith that I could. God, how stupid must I have been to buy that ridiculous story but I did it anyway because you told me and you made me. You think I would’ve done the same thing if one of my knights told me to pull a sword from rock?”

Merlin staggered back at Arthur’s words. “I—”

“No. No. I have had enough. I’m sorry if I’m too emotionally unstable for you to understand that I care about you and that I love you but I do. I always have. And even though you might love me, you don’t respect me, or trust me, or realize how much I do for you. I am sick and tired of fighting with you. Of trying to get you to understand what I feel like.”

Merlin moved forward. “I do understand—”

“No. You don’t. A couple of months ago, I knew none of this. I was blindly following you like an idiot and god knows how many other things you’re keeping from me. Can you really look me in the eye and tell me that you aren’t keeping anything else from me?” Arthur asked, his voice hard but eyes painfully vulnerable.

Merlin opened his mouth and froze. The words seemed to be stuck on his tongue and he knew that if he said no, Arthur would see right through him. He’d never been a good liar. Never. The only reason he’s got away with so much was because he knew that Arthur trusted him. But now, with Arthur’s gaze boring into him, he couldn’t find it in himself to muster up an excuse. So he stayed silent. 

Arthur swallowed roughly and stepped back. He pulled at his hair and glanced up at the darkening sky like the gods up above would tell him what to do. “Just leave Merlin.”

Merlin shook his head rapidly. “No. I’m not leaving.”

Arthur shot Merlin a dark glare that stopped him in his tracks. “Yes, you are. I’ll have George look after me for now.”

“For now until when?”

Arthur pressed his lips together. “I don’t know, Merlin. Just...I no longer require your services.”

Merlin started. “My services? You’re sacking me. Are you actually sacking me?”

“I need a servant I can trust.”

“Because that’s all I am to you? A servant.” 

Arthur looked away. “No. More than that. But I cannot allow myself to be with someone who can’t find it in himself to trust me.”

“To be with? What are you getting at?”

“You know what I’m getting at, Merlin. You can look after Gauis and work for him. That gets you plenty of money. Just stay away from me.”

Merlin exhaled sharply. “That’s it? You think you can just throw me out of your life? Because I kept a few secrets from you?”

“This is not just a few secrets, Merlin. I don't know what to think of you. I deserve someone who talks to me. Who will confide in me. This feels like a one-sided relationship and I can’t do it. I’ve tried, Merlin. Trust me. I have. But—” Arthur broke off, frustrated.

“It’s not one-sided,” Merlin whispered.

“It is. Don’t you realize? I tell you everything, Merlin. Everything. You’re always at my side and you know absolutely everything about me. But you don’t tell me anything. You never talk about yourself or- or tell me things that you know because you think that you know what’s best for me but you don’t. There are times I feel like I don’t even know you. And that’s not— this is not—”

Arthur fell silent. Merlin was internally panicking. Was Arthur breaking up with him? Was he not going to be his servant? How would he protect him?

Arthur flipped the sword in his hand and gave it back to Merlin, who took it with numb fingers. “I don’t need this. Any of this. I love you, Merlin. I do. But you know that this isn’t working.”

Arthur pushed past Merlin and walked away. Merlin cursed. Shit. _Shit._ He dropped the sword and turned to see Arthur. “Wait— don’t-”

Merlin rubbed his cheek with one hand harshly and he suddenly had the urge to confess to his magic. Right here. Alone and in the dark. Just to let him know. Just to prove to himself that he could. But when he opened his mouth, the words seemed to be lodged in his throat and by the time he found his words, Arthur was long gone.

_\--0-o-0--_

**Author's Note:**

> oops~


End file.
